Buy Me Something
For a moment, among the blurry bustle of strangers, our eyes meet. It was
just a second ago as I was swirling around from the counter. I had my coffee
in one hand and book in the other.
I'm sitting down getting settled in a wood brown chair at table for two and
I feel flattered. How long were you looking at me? Are you looking at
everyone? I keep you in mind and start into my book anyway. I clumsily slurp
my coffee and my toung is burning. But I will remember this burn.
I think of brave things I could do. I could keep looking at you. I could
deliver a smile and say, "I hate sitting alone do you mind if I join you?" I
am not like that though. It is up to you.
At first, I thought I didn't know why we would look at each other. I gave
the entire café a glance. Only you looked at me.
Now you are a stranger at a café. But it may not always be like this. Based
on this look we might stop being strangers and start being friends. I cannot
help but think how you could do something and change our stranger status
into a frienly one.
I'm alone and seated and reading. Madonna's biography. My posture is good. I
look healthy. I look simple with my black tank top, long hair tied back,
silver watch, jeans. Simple, yet I wear red sandals.
And I see you. You are reading too. You have a stack of books. I see the top
one is Rich Dad Poor Dad. I'd guess you are into self-help. You are planning
for the future. You are overweight and your hair is spiky. But it won't
always be this way.
You see my red sandals. Keep looking. But look at my face, because I'm going
to tell you something without speaking. OK. The message is this:
Buy me something.
Now.
Something, anything. Do you hear me?
I ideas for you include a warm scone, some coffee, a book. A beer, a
magazine, some clothes. A barrette, a flower, an ice cream sandwich. I don't
need anything big, but I do need something.
This something will be a token.
Don't ask me what I want. I'd never know what to say. I wouldn't buy it
myself but you, you, from whom I can receive graciously. You, you are my
only hope.
Give to me physical objects. Yes. Stand up. go to a register somewhere, and
use your credit card. Then come back to me and give.
I've considered the possibility that you may not have th edisposable income
necesarry to lavish gifts.
Give earnestly and without expectations. Give because you want me to have
it. You want to see my eyes go wide and smile
We are strong. We stride the streets and I feel safe. Fuck, invincible. We
could take on people. Beat them up. I'd hold one guys arms back while you'd
kick and punch his middle. We'd have coordinated strategies for reacting to
crisis situations. Oh, we'd make them sorry.
See how we match and were not even trying?
Umm.
Do I seem worried?
I should.
I am. My nails. Do you see my nails? They are bitten to the stubs. But you
and me we are a team. You will help me to stop dining on my nails and I will
make sure you don't eat too much. Get more healthy things in your diet.
Your old girlfriend, she didn't care about you. She did mean thoughtless
things. She was in it for the stuff. She dropped your flowers. She acted all
happy when she was at work and her friends were around but she got home and
she didn't even put them in a vace. She started. You deserve someone better.
Any minute you will read my mind. You will break away from your book and
something will pull you to me.
We will support each other. We will comparison shop for a couch together.
I, yes, I have problems. Look closely at me. Do I look like I've fallen
apart? I have fallen apart. This is me fallen apart, Mr. Spiky Hair. And
maybe this is OK with you. Maybe apart is OK.
Come here and give me something. Show me. Come on.
Buy me something.
::::::Next Story
I love
big Words
After deriving way too much pleasure from beating me at computer chess, Andrew
Woo walked me around campus. I asked him to. Not because I wanted to hear his
gloating, mind you, but because I needed the brisk jaunt and I didn't want to
walk alone.
You see, that morning, I'd read the tri-folded University of Miami, Ohio rape
prevention pamphlet. It was yellow and had grim statistics. It included a
bulleted list of things we women could do to prevent rape. The first suggestion?
?Do not walk alone at night.
So there we were, safely walking the dark and unforgiving campus and I was none
too happy. I was walking very quickly. Andrew was behind me for a while until he
broke into a light jog and caught up. I was starting to perspire and realized
there was no point in walking so fast and slowed to more of a mosey. After
plenty o' silence he smiled and looked at me.
"You did pretty good," Andrew said.
"Thanks," I snapped.
I'd met Andrew through mutual friends. We'd run into each other at the computer
lab a few times and he'd asked to play a quick game of chess. He had probably
read the "I love chess" sticker on my shirt. At first I'd said no, but as he was
walking away I'd yelled at him to stop. I was working on a paper due in two
weeks, but I am a total sucker for chess.
My attack was significantly weakened when he stole my queen in four moves but I
just didn't expect to lose two moves later. I hated losing. So very much.
"But I did pummel you." Andrew giggled.
"I know," I said, quickening my pace.
He said things after that, but I didn't catch any of it. I was too focused on my
loss. It took me a while to process his initial comment. It was the first time
I'd been pummeled. But it was also the first time I'd heard the word pummel. My
walk slowed as I thought about that. I knew what it meant by the way he said it.
And it was beautiful. He was not a good winner. I knew it would take time to
shake the anger of the loss.
"Blah, blah, blah, " he continued and I instantly went soft.
"Yeah," I said dreamily.
The beauty of the campus at night flooded my consciousness. The glow of the
streetlights carved a row of perfect white circles out of this black night. My
anger melted. What a crazy coincidence. Two chess geniuses ending up at the same
school in the same computer lab on the same night. And now a nice walk, all
because of a tri-folded yellow rape pamphlet. Life was good.
I better listen to this man as much as possible. He could use another big word
and I liked big words. My logic told me if I could keep him to talking he would
use more. I had some catching up to do conversation-wise, so I asked him to
repeat what I'd ignored. It was possible I'd missed another good word. And I
simply wasn't going to let that happen again.
"What was that thing you said?" I asked
"What?"
"What did you say before?"
"Uh, five minutes ago?"
"Everything after pummel."
"Oh, I told you I did you a favor."
"How's that?"
"Because my rating was so absurdly high, your rating went up just by losing to
me."
"Great, thanks much!" Back to rage-land for me.
Andrew was very thin and had a really disproportionately large head. He was
constantly twirling a small bit of black hair at his crown. It made his head
look similar to a bomb from a cartoon. I wasn't sure about this man. How could I
be so attracted then repulsed? I didn't always like his attitude, but that word!
Pummel! Was I losing or winning this game?
"Buy me ice cream?" I ventured.
"OK."
I avoided eye contact in hopes that he would pick up my signals and it was
starting to work. The chemistry was there. He was starting to get me. I threw a
look of respect to the side of his head when he ordered his mint chocolate chip
on a waffle. I banked on his thick glasses affording him the peripheral vision
to catch it. You read bodies when you have glasses, don't you? I went for
strawberry on a regular cone.
"Ice cream is a lot like chess," he said as we stepped back out into the thick
Midwestern air.
I masked my admiration and verbally flashed some rage. "No, it's not!"
"OK." He looked hurt and afraid. But in a good way.
Long pause. I had him just where I wanted him.
"May I ask how ice cream is like chess?" I asked sweetly.
"You may. Ice cream . . ."
He said things. Lots of things. I stopped paying attention. It was too much to
stomach. He was undoubtedly crafting one of the best chess analogies on campus
maybe the world. But all I could hear was the disproportionately large
vocabulary and all I could see was his disproportionately large head. I could
feel myself soaking in each large word one by one. I didn't know so many strange
words could make so much sense. Greedily soaking them in, I began eating my ice
cream.
I split my attention between Andrew's vocabulary, his bomb-like head, and the
strawberry cone. The bomb of his head tilted with each huge word and strawberry
goodness.
"…Smug…"
Bomb tilt.
Strawberry ice cream.
"…Perceptive…"
Bomb tilt.
Strawberry ice cream!
"…Blunder…"
Bomb tilt.
Strawberry ice cream with cone!!!
My attention faded back in to Andrew when my ice cream was done. I sensed a
wrap-up tone in his voice.
"…so in truth, it's all about personal style. Much like ice cream," he
concluded. "Wow! You eat fast"
"Yeah." I panted.
I licked my sticky fingers. I was breathing heavily and my teeth really hurt,
but I was glad to grasp the basic idea.
He gave his mint chocolate chip cone a nervous lick as I suggested we sit down
at a picnic table. While seated, I locked eyes with him and stood up.
Remembering to make use of dramatic pause, I calmly delivered the following
prose:
The unknown word
What is this in front of me?
I think a great word
I've never seen it
Will I look it up or forget it?
Let it sit there unheard?
Unknown word
Unknown
Word
When I finished my performance, I got down from the picnic table. The poem calls
for the narrator to stand up on a platform and point directly at the audience.
Until then, I had only practiced my poem in front of the mirror.
Andrew was stunned. I pulled my eyes down from his and noticed the green drips.
His ice cream cone had melted. And it was all over his hand.
I was giving him every signal in the world that this was the moment to ask me
out. It paid off better than I could have hoped.
"Um . . . so . . . I was wondering . . . wondering maybe…"
He seemed nervous. I stared at him adoringly and gave him a little push "Yes?"
"Could we head back?"
I thought about pummeling mint chocolate chip with Andrew and I just couldn't
wait.
Jackpot.
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